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This was a piece of demented fun. It's basically a satire on the post-apocalyptic genre which if you've read my novel, I tend to have some experience in that department. It also takes a jab at the 1980s sci-fi films like Mad Max, The Road Warrior, Return of the Living Dead or anything in general that stacks up the premise of punk rocker gangs taking over once the government has been demolished by the end of the world.
Comments and thought are welcome.
Now, I know this has a ton of surreal references to movies, music, culture, and themes, but for those wishing to critique this work, I can offer some points for you to answer in your analysis.
1. What grammatical/punctuation errors are there?
2. How is the narrator's characterization? Is it well developed as the story progresses?
3. How is the flow and structure of the story?
4. Is it interesting?
5a. What's your favorite part about it?
5b. What's your least favorite part about it?
6. How can I improve it?
Comments and thought are welcome.
Now, I know this has a ton of surreal references to movies, music, culture, and themes, but for those wishing to critique this work, I can offer some points for you to answer in your analysis.
1. What grammatical/punctuation errors are there?
2. How is the narrator's characterization? Is it well developed as the story progresses?
3. How is the flow and structure of the story?
4. Is it interesting?
5a. What's your favorite part about it?
5b. What's your least favorite part about it?
6. How can I improve it?
Mature
© 2014 - 2024 The-Infamous-MrGates
Comments16
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Sorry it took me a while to get to this, dear. I really didn't mean that. I got busy, but this was sitting in my messages ever since.
The second sentence boasts a lot of adjectives. They feel almost chunky in the mouth. They work, but feel like cheap salsa.
"You can deny the outbreak is happening, and even convince yourself it's all over," though it's a conjunction, if I remember correctly that things thay can be removed, need commas.
Like herpes. That piece alone is weird. I get that it's meant to lead back into the structure before it, but it doesn't seem right. I mean, you describe that life now for people under 25 is sporadic, but it still feels wrong to me.
"Selling phone apps to the German market, and my mom" comma because it combines two sentences.
"No one responded; they all ignored me" Pick one. Both mean close to the same thing.
“I’m trying to meet up with someone, and I need someone named Harvey to get me there"
a(t) least curious f my offer"
*blinks* So, I got quiet half way through this and drawn in. It isn't my cup of tea because of the kind of humor behind it. I do like black comedy, but the undead sex slaves kinda made me think of one of my characters. THen the maggots. And then the movie Dead Girl. And I was left staring for a moment, processing what I read.
Not gonna lie, for what it is, it's amazing. Not for me, but it has a totally retro vibe that drives home into what I think is Return of the Living Dead III? That one has the naked biker chick. Also, the films Feast.
The end was a bit bitter sweet, though Jason had already suspected she'd be dead. Well,maybe they'll live a happy life until her genitalia rot so much that nothing can get past...
The second sentence boasts a lot of adjectives. They feel almost chunky in the mouth. They work, but feel like cheap salsa.
"You can deny the outbreak is happening, and even convince yourself it's all over," though it's a conjunction, if I remember correctly that things thay can be removed, need commas.
Like herpes. That piece alone is weird. I get that it's meant to lead back into the structure before it, but it doesn't seem right. I mean, you describe that life now for people under 25 is sporadic, but it still feels wrong to me.
"Selling phone apps to the German market, and my mom" comma because it combines two sentences.
"No one responded; they all ignored me" Pick one. Both mean close to the same thing.
“I’m trying to meet up with someone, and I need someone named Harvey to get me there"
a(t) least curious f my offer"
*blinks* So, I got quiet half way through this and drawn in. It isn't my cup of tea because of the kind of humor behind it. I do like black comedy, but the undead sex slaves kinda made me think of one of my characters. THen the maggots. And then the movie Dead Girl. And I was left staring for a moment, processing what I read.
Not gonna lie, for what it is, it's amazing. Not for me, but it has a totally retro vibe that drives home into what I think is Return of the Living Dead III? That one has the naked biker chick. Also, the films Feast.
The end was a bit bitter sweet, though Jason had already suspected she'd be dead. Well,maybe they'll live a happy life until her genitalia rot so much that nothing can get past...